The religious tract read: “Value others above yourself. Sacrifice your needs for other people.”
For many years, I did just that. I spent my days making certain the people around me had their needs met, but I ignored my own. I tried to make everyone else happy, while I made myself miserable. I believed others knew what was best for me and often disregarded my own insight on matters. After doing this for several years, my health declined. I became bitter, resentful, angry and depressed. I had been drained dry.
I didn’t understand what the problem was until one day I noticed the leaves on my newly-planted tomato plants were limp and wilted. The cracked soil around the trunk appeared dry.
I grabbed the water hose and soaked the black dirt with water. The next morning, the leaves were firm and thriving. All the plant needed was a little tender loving care.
Sometimes, I need a little tender loving care, too.
I realized that I need that too. When I’m feeling down, tired or out-of-sorts, I need to take the time to water my mind, body and spirit. I need to give myself a little tender loving care.
The first time I did something for myself, I felt selfish. I felt I was being self-indulgent. Wasn’t it somebody else’s job to take care of me and make me happy?
In the past, when I have made other people responsible for my happiness and self-care, I have been disappointed. How can they know what I need? They’re not mind-readers. I alone am responsible for making sure I am happy. I am responsible for discovering what interests me and brings me joy. I am responsible for taking care of myself.
In addition, if I don’t take care of myself, I will not be able to do good deeds for others. By taking action to care for myself, I take control of my life, my health and my well-being. I am ensuring I will be around for the long haul. I am ensuring I will be around to help care for others.
My tomato plant won’t produce any fruit unless it has adequate water, fertilizer, etc.—unless it has its needs met. If the plant’s basic needs are lacking, it will not blossom and grow fruit.
I have a right to treat myself well.
My physical, emotional and spiritual well-being is like that, too. I can’t function properly when my basic needs are not being met. Taking time to go on a walk, listen to music, meet a friend for lunch, read a book, take a bubble bath—all those activities nurture my mind, body and soul. I have a right to treat myself well.
Just like my tomato plant deserves to be watered, I deserve to make choices that help me feel good about myself. When I treat myself with love and tenderness, I am better able to deal with life’s challenges.
So start today by being kind to yourself and doing something fun, something you enjoy. You’ll feel healthier and do better because of it.
How do you take care of yourself?
7 responses to “Careful Watering”
Great insight Sallie! I too have struggled with this. Your story helped to me to understand that being selfish prevents me from giving of myself, but self-care enables it. Selfishness excludes others, whereas self-care does not.
Thanks for this article, I needed the reminder!!
Thank you, Amy, for your thoughtful comment.
Sallie
It’s difficult to find the balance of taking care of ourselves and being selfish or self indulgent. I love how you find great truths in little things of life.
Thank you, Angie.
Sallie Moffitt
A wonderful reminder that we must put on our own mask first, as the airline hosts tell us and then we can joyfully care for others. So great to read your writing
Thank you, Joan, for your kind words.
Sallie
Yes, self-care feels indulgent at first, and then it feels healthy! Great post, Sallie.